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Psychology, Relationships

Im not your enabler….

So today Mr P and I had a bit of a barney (technical term of course).  I know everyone has these, sorry just us (tongue in cheek) but what was interesting today is that I both think we had a revelation.  You see today’s argument wasn’t anything personal and we both knew that. What was good about it too was the fact that Mr.P was actually noticing that he was getting angry at me but realised that he shouldnt have been.

Mr.P like many other partners/spouses I know of, like you to do things for him – particularly errands. His rationale is  “you’re good at it, that’s your job to do that, I don’t know what to do” etc….

Now most times the control freak’s ego takes over and relishes in the compliment BUT today for some reason Ms. pissed off pants took over (the sibling of cranky pants I’m sure you’ve met one or the other) Id had enough! I was not going to be ringing up to organise something that was related to his plans. My response of “I’m not doing it, you do it”, invoked the response of a child who I had taken the play station control from in the middle of a game prior to being able to save!

He started stomping around, getting agitated, mumbling under his breath and just a right royal attitude.  Not usual for the Mr.

He completed the task as he was quite aware that this P.L (precocious lotus) was not going to budge this time and he needed to do this job.

On reflection, after he’d returned with his bat and ball to play nicely we both came to the same conclusion that he was getting angry not because of the actual task but because he was anxious to do so. Now you may say but he’s a grown man, though I’m sure many of you have come across similar men and even women in his position who have the same issue – If I can avoid doing it I will.

What really stood out for me is that I was enabling him in the past with my own ego getting in the way “because I was so good, I was so confident” when really it was to his detriment.

I believe he gained so much from today.  Sure we may still have the same responsibilities but I think he may be more able to complete some tasks himself without throwing that tantrum!

So the reason for my post.  It got me thinking, who in your life are you enabling? What are you enabling?  Do you do things for your husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, sibling/friend or even parent and think that you’re being helpful but on reflection you may not be?  Have you considered is it because the person is fearful or anxious or is it because you want to do it. I’ve got you thinking….Do share (change the names of people for annonymity)


About Bringing Spirit Into The Everyday

Modern Suburban Hippie (minus hallucinogens :) ) Vegetarian. Passionate. Love Laughs. Yoga. Chai Lattes. Crystals. Oracle cards. Goddesses. Angels. Spiritual. Perfume Loving. Intuitive Parenting. Breastfeeding Mama. Sport Loving. Opinionated. Scorpio. Psychologist. I have 3 little people who rock my world.


3 thoughts on “Im not your enabler….

  1. Yeah, it’s got me thinking alright! Though I think, now looking back on it, that this happened to me and DH (dear husband) a few months after DS (dear son) was born. I took a step back and said, “No, you do it” – and I think that, that was a turning point for DH and taking more initiative. Actually, there has been many a time since then where DH has taken the initiative to plan/call/organise something. Taking a step back really did work. They always land on two feet 😉

    Posted by Mummy_D | September 14, 2010, 11:47 am
  2. I’m a fan of letting people do their own tasks thanks! I don’t need anymore work than I already have so I am always prepared for when my husband tries to “trick” me into doing something he really should be doing. The only thing I must do that he refuses is to call the pizza place to place an order, he hates it and always demands that I do it…I have actually wondered before if he was anxious or felt strange doing it, now you’ve just confirmed it.

    Posted by Jade | September 14, 2010, 10:09 pm

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