So today is the 3 year anniversary of my grandmothers passing. I wrote about her on my other blog here when it was her 1st anniversary of not being with us.
I still miss her, I still wish she was here, I still go to tell her some things and at times I still think I need to go visit her as I haven’t seen her in awhile but then reality sets it. Yes it does get easier to live with and yes she hasn’t been here for some special events that it “sort of” gives you the realisation that she really isn’t here….
Now I did lose another grandma who was just as special. This was when I was younger and the experience is very different when you are an adult and the relationship is appreciated at another level.
What has happened though over the last few years is something that I am quite surprised at and actually feel really wrong and uncompassionate about.
You see now when people have a grandparent who passes away I send my condolences for their loss and understand how horrible it must be for them but my sadness has shifted. I don’t necessarily feel sorry for them as I used to. I have actually caught myself thinking, “well I’ve lost my grandma”. Its like I am desensitized to their grief and their loss.
It sounds quite harsh of me I know and that is why I think I am writing this post. I am not trying to be mean or nasty but it just doesn’t affect me as it did in the past and I am wondering if this happens to others?
My thoughts shift to – what happens to those who have lost other relationships that people may consider even more difficult to lose – a child or a parent. During this past year I have learnt of the horrible losses of some people who have had their children or parents pass away. This devastates me. Thankfully I have not had to experience this (touch wood) and will not for many many many years (I am in denial obviously). Just the thought of those people having to experience such overwhelming grief and loss is indescribable let alone reflecting on any of my own thoughts.
How do these people cope. How do they get on with life, but more importantly how do they approach others grief?
I know that my grief in relation to my grandma floats in and out of my life but I trust the cycle of life. What happens for these people where grief permeates every aspect of their day, week, month and life. How can they not tell people “where to go” or to “get over themselves”. How does the cycle of life and death make sense when this precious person and relationship has been taken from you?
In the past three years, I know when Grandma has encouraged me to do something, I know when she has directed my path, I know that she is looking out for us all, I know that she is busying herself and looking after grandpa and I know she has rekindled her friendship with my other grandma. I know all of this because they looked after my baby girl.
I miss you grandma….still….when are you coming back?