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Grief, Relationships

Grandma – When are you coming back?

So today is the 3 year anniversary of my grandmothers passing.  I wrote about her on my other blog here when it was her 1st anniversary of not being with us.

I still miss her, I still wish she was here, I still go to tell her some things and at times I still think I need to go visit her as I haven’t seen her in awhile but then reality sets it.  Yes it does get easier to live with and yes she hasn’t been here for some special events that it “sort of” gives you the realisation that she really isn’t here….

Now I did lose another grandma who was just as special.  This was when I was younger and the experience is very different when you are an adult and the relationship is appreciated at another level.

What has happened though over the last few years is something that I am quite surprised at and actually feel really wrong and uncompassionate about.

You see now when people have a grandparent who passes away I send my condolences for their loss and understand how horrible it must be for them but my sadness has shifted. I don’t necessarily feel sorry for them as I used to. I have actually caught myself thinking, “well I’ve lost my grandma”.  Its like I am desensitized to their grief and their loss.

It sounds quite harsh of me I know and that is why I think I am writing this post. I am not trying to be mean or nasty but it just doesn’t affect me as it did in the past and I am wondering if this happens to others?

My thoughts shift to – what happens to those who have lost other relationships that people may consider even more difficult to lose – a child or a parent.  During this past year I have learnt of the horrible losses of some people who have had their children or parents pass away. This devastates me.  Thankfully I have not had to experience this (touch wood) and will not for many many many years (I am in denial obviously). Just the thought of those people having to experience such overwhelming grief and loss is indescribable let alone reflecting on any of my own thoughts.

How do these people cope. How do they get on with life, but more importantly how do they approach others grief?

I know that my grief in relation to my grandma floats in and out of my life but I trust the cycle of life.  What happens for these people where grief permeates every aspect of their day, week, month and life. How can they not tell people “where to go” or to “get over themselves”.  How does the cycle of life and death make sense when this precious person and relationship has been taken from you?

In the past three years, I know when Grandma has encouraged me to do something, I know when she has directed my path, I know that she is looking out for us all, I know that she is busying herself and looking after grandpa and I know she has rekindled her friendship with my other grandma. I know all of this because they looked after my baby girl.

I miss you grandma….still….when are you coming back?

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About Bringing Spirit Into The Everyday

Modern Suburban Hippie (minus hallucinogens :) ) Vegetarian. Passionate. Love Laughs. Yoga. Chai Lattes. Crystals. Oracle cards. Goddesses. Angels. Spiritual. Perfume Loving. Intuitive Parenting. Breastfeeding Mama. Sport Loving. Opinionated. Scorpio. Psychologist. I have 3 little people who rock my world.

Discussion

6 thoughts on “Grandma – When are you coming back?

  1. I think I understand what you are saying. I really don’t cope well with death. Well, on the outside I appear to cope incredibly well. I don’t cry much, I console others in the circle who are experiencing the same pain but I also pull away – emotionally. My Grandmother passed away a year and a half ago and her death, though expected, shook our souls. My mother still to this day doesn’t cope well with her grief and I find myself at times getting angry (silently) at her that she continues to grieve so hard. I honestly think that the reason I do this is because this remembering and consoling tries to rekindle my grief, tries to make me deal with it. Realistically, I really haven’t dealt with it at all. I have just hidden it all away and swept it under the carpet.
    I wonder; are you desensitised because delving too deep would bring back too many unwanted painful memories for you? I think pain is what time helps to cover in dust and hide away for short periods until something reminds us that it is still there, still hurting, not really going anywhere, just hiding.

    Posted by Jade | October 9, 2010, 11:28 pm
  2. I can really empathise with what you are saying here. I had the unique and unfortunate situation of losing my father-in-law and grandmother in the same year as each other; within about 4 months. It had been quite a few years since I had lost someone and only the second and third times that I would grieve for someone close to me as an adult. You talk about being desensitized to the grief. I lost my father-in-law first; too young, so much life left to live. My own personal grief, the grief for my husband and the grief for my daughter who would not get to know her Pop were enormous and still something I am dealing with now. When my grandmother passed away a few months later, it was difficult but totally different. I was able to accept that it was my grandmother’s time, that she had lived a long and fulfilled life and that she was ready to go. I have asked myself, “what if she had died before him? how would I have been?” I believe that losing my father-in-law put my grandmother’s death in perspective. I was able to say goodbye to her, have some special final moments and whilst I still wish she was here and wish she could see my growing family, I appreciate more fully the time I had with her. I don’t know whether I had become desensitised or whether it was my perspective that had changed. I do know that it doesn’t mean that I miss or love my grandmother any less.

    Posted by c-o | October 13, 2010, 10:14 pm
  3. Thank you for commenting guys. I appreciate it -xx-

    Posted by 3precocious3lotus3 | October 18, 2010, 1:19 am

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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