Today it has been 20 years since my grandma passed away (not the one I obviously spoke of here). I was going to write about all those moments that she hasn’t seen and what I and my cousins, parents and aunties and uncles have achieved over these 20 years but I am too private for that.
In some ways it only feels like yesterday, in other ways its been an eternity with how much has happened. How much she hasn’t been a part of and how much she has missed – well the last I don’t fully believe is all true as I know she has walked beside all of us during those times and maybe even carried us through.
So what I have posted are two pieces that remind me of her. Every time I look at them they bring happiness and tears, but that’s a good thing.
The first is the poem that was on the back of her service booklet. After she passed over I would read and re-read this poem daily. I don’t know if it was because I was trying to “get it” and truly understand death or whether it was bringing me comfort. Being reasonably young at the time that’s all I could do to make myself feel better. I’ve realised though as I write this it was like a message from her- When you feel like I’m gone and you’re at a low point, I havent abandoned you I am carrying you.
Footprints on the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
The second is a poem that was on the back of my grandparent’s toilet door. Once old enough to read I would try to memorise it and see if I got it right. Interestingly when she was sick I would check each stage off in my mind hoping for the best but looking into what her future was, based on that poem. At the age I was, it was some comfort thinking that I thought she wasnt worried as ultimately she had nothing to worry about!
In the end, there are only two things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick.
When you’re well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you’re sick, then there are two things to worry about:
either you get well or you will die.
When you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But when you die, then there are two things to worry about:
either you’ll go to heaven or you’ll go to hell.
When you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But when you go to hell, you’ll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends,
you won’t have time to worry!
Definitely everlasting imprints on my mind. I admit they have adjusted my perspective during some of the dips in life.
I do miss you Grandma, being so young its hard with some of the memories but interestingly I can feel your energy around. There is so much more I want to say but I’m sure you can hear it from my heart.
PS Grandad had a smashing 90th birthday party yesterday. The WHOLE family were there. The Best. But hey, you knew that didn’t you- you were standing beside him all day -xxxx-