The shift in energy of the space between us was so real. It was hard to acknowledge and in some ways I was attempting to ignore it….but it was there. The emotional distance palpable. No avoidance of the situation was going to make it better or change the outcome.
What happened? I do not know for sure, you have an inkling but nothing is clear. Although my feeling is confirmed when the mailbox is empty, the text messages stop and the accidental run ins dwindle – the universe is supporting this separation and I have no idea why and how it has happened.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I truly believe this.
I have interesting friendships. I never grew up with the big group of friends from primary school, who we then kept through high school who have gone onto university or careers and then had their babies at the same time. mmm no that’s not me. At times in the past I’ll admit yes I have envied that. I don’t really have a true BFF. I have some really close friends though and they make me smile and my heart sing. There are a couple that come really close to BFF status but I don’t think we’ve actually called it that as it’s not so clear-cut. Or do you just know?
Friendships fascinate me. Probably as I said because mine have been so varied. I suppose I am actually quite a guarded person therefore rarely let someone into the sacred space of friendship. I havent been void of close friendships. Every few years I would make a very solid friend who would accompany me for a few years. Most of the friendships didn’t end horribly, we just tended to grow apart. A lot of those friends I still have now but in a different context for the relationship.
I believe in the past I have made friends a whole lot easier with males than females. Of late it has been a lot more difficult, as by this age these men I am friends with have wives, partners or girlfriends. Although we would all like to think that a female friend doesn’t matter in all of these cases whether it is the primary female in their life who restricts contact or whether it is just the difficulty of the male finding it now too hard to be friends with a female as well as have their relationship I am not sure but that dynamic rarely works for me anymore.
I suppose you could say that friendships are on a continuum of closeness or as has been described, a circle of friends, having positions in different circles surrounding you.
Personally, my relationships shifted and changed over the years but most significantly when I became a mother. This was not necessarily after my first as my friends at the time either had their own children or my friends were fairly accommodating and socialising didn’t really change.
I think the major change has actually occurred whilst I was pregnant with my third baby and subsequently from that point on. Given, my case wasnt assisted in the first few months of her life but I found that I just didn’t and don’t have the time to do much other than attend to my own little family and then the next circle out which includes my parents, extended family and some friends. These are the friends that it doesn’t matter if you text message them or phone them, let alone see them.
Currently most of my non-family interactions are being played out in the school forum again, social media and occasional friendships. Although mostly superficial I can feel them deepening and becoming more meaningful.
At times I feel awful as I just truly run out of time, I don’t get to go out as much. As most people concur, when children arrive on the scene their needs become a priority. Socialising and independently going out take a back seat for a few years.
I know in the past I have been no angel. Sometimes I’m not happy with the way I have contributed to some friendships and as the saying goes there is always two sides to the story. I am also very aware of what triggered my behaviour in the first place as a reaction to that friend’s behaviour. Alas, this cannot be dwelled upon.
Each friendship had its purpose, at times I reflect it would be great if the dynamic was different but we can’t change the past. I can only control the future and I know for a few years now that my friendships have been sincere. I will not compromise being true to myself and therefore if a relationship or friendship falters it is because it has placed me in that position. Thankfully if they blossom now, I know from my perspective they are from a position of my truth, integrity and mindfulness. If I am not being true to me then how can I be true to you in a friendship.
I am blessed to have come in contact with so many beautiful intelligent souls in this lifetime. I honestly have treasured every interaction and look back fondly on those moments, weeks, months or years. Although some of them may have soured I am grateful to have had the experience as it has brought me to the person that I am today. Closer to my true self. I just hope there is no negative feelings being held onto from the other party. If there is, I invite you to approach me.
In relation to this current friendship cooling I can only really wait to see how it plays out….all the signs are there. I think I now need to deal with my feelings of loss and ignore whatever the possible reasons are as I can not change them. Ruminating about reasons isn’t going to clarify it, it will only make my feelings worse. It must be time to thank the friendship and move on – if only it was that easy.
So what makes a BFF? Has your experience been the same as mine or have you had a solid group of friends for many years. Has technology helped to maintain these friendships or even jeopardised them? Has a particular event changed the dynamic of your relationship? I want to know has anyone ever addressed the friend in the relationship that has soured if you can figure out why it has happened?