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AFL, Behaviour, Child Psychology, Mental Health, Parenting, Psychology

Enough is enough

Ok so I wasnt going to go there. I have reserved my judgment for over 6 months but tonight it has come to the point where I can no longer keep my mouth shut – I’m getting better with age. Trust me, this may have come sooner if I had not have held some restraint.
Disclaimer: This is my opinion only. It is not a clinical diagnosis as I do not have her full developmental, emotional and psychological history. I am putting forward a theory and my thoughts on the situation and continuing saga.

We have all heard of her. In fact you probably knew who I was talking about the moment I wrote “she” in the disclaimer paragraph above.  Of course I am pondering the infamous StKilda school girl.

Tonight was the last straw for me in regards to not having an opinion. I was happy enough to let the saga unfold without too much judgment. It doesn’t mean that I agreed with it but everyone was having their two cents worth I wasnt going to be adding too much further to the discussion. But this is what got me. Not the point that she was being splashed all over the print and visual media all day, not the fact that if it wasnt an interview with her but it was an interview with Ricky Nixon that was being aired but the fact that this issue has even come up again at all. Why? I know the statements as to why as she has now changed her story. My why is “why is she even being given air time within the media?”

I am not going to dissect the information back to November. I am not commenting on who is right or wrong or what are the facts or untruths. I’m talking about what I know about and what people appear to be ignoring by getting caught up in the hysteria. Her mental health. Not anyone else involved who also have their own issues.

This is no longer an AFL issue and if it is it means that it wasnt dealt with properly in the first place (which again is another avenue in all of this) She is no longer involved with the StKilda footballers to our knowledge, he is no longer a player agent or connected to the AFL therefore it does not need to be addressed in any of the sports forums.

This girl had been out of the spotlight for at least 2 months I’m sure of it. 6 weeks minimum. Her fellow side kick in the latest story was in and out but mostly out over the past 4 weeks. So. This brings me to the question – “why now?” I really don’t care one iota about the content.

The content now is irrelevant. What is important is the behaviour. I’m not talking about Nixon’s behaviour as he is an adult and has every capability of controlling such behaviour and being mindful of same. Forget the statements of he said, she said or of illicit substances such as GBH being involved or of ludicrous excuses of entrapment. A man in his 50’s and a 17 year old should not be that intimate at any point in time particularly with such explosive accusations.

17 years old. Lies, seeks attention, seeking attention and affection of males, possibly it appears seeks the attention and affection of older males, dresses provocatively, is highly ambivalent and contradictory in her responses.  This is clearly highlighted when she has attached herself to Ricky Nixon and responds to him with a mixture of approach, avoidance and then resistance.

She has Indiscriminate sociability with marked inability to exhibit appropriate selective attachments, eg excessive familiarity with relative strangers or lack of selectivity in choice of attachment figures. Flying to Sydney to catch up with some footballers who attended her school on a once off community contact event.  Attaching emotional value and connection to people, men at that, who she hardly knew and were significantly older than her.

Normally all of this would suggest a reactive attachment disorder.  This though is only diagnosed when a person is under the age of 7 years and can be supported by developmental evidence of  unmet basic physical and emotional needs and unstable primary attachment figures. I can not provide the evidence and history for this, therefore cannot comment. Although I would suggest based on her presentation that issues during this early important developmental stage are highly likely.

Where is she at? At this point in time she is still on the downhill run. How has someone not stopped this?  More the point how come she went so quiet for those few weeks? What and who was providing her with stability – emotionally, physically and psychologically. What has changed in the past week to have her stumble and re-announce herself to the world?

What needs to be done?
1. Media outlets – CEASE your reporting and coverage of this issue. It is not helping. If you cannot see it then clearly take my advice. As I tweeted earlier tonight “Media and ‘reporters’ you are starting to look like hunters. She is like a deer stuck in the headlights and you are bullying her to answer” even if you are not bullying her, her personality does not need the enticement of talking to you.
2. Footballer players, player agents, ex-players and commentators – stop all forms of contact with her. Nothing. All of you respond with the same consistent result. “We are not entering into a conversation with you. Please leave.” BROKEN RECORD. Do not respond in any other way. Do not try to help. It will not be helpful.
3. Finally the girl in question. Get help. I am sure this has been advised on more than one occasion. This issue. These reactions, clearly don’t go away and aren’t able to be addressed individually and without assistance so its time to call in professionals.
4. So if professionals have been called in – what is their job. Quite simply. One or two professionals maximum. To provide a safe, secure attachment for this poor girl. Be there for her 24-7. Yes she may escalate. She may change the way she behaves and become more extreme but if you maintain your commitment to her, irrelevant as to what she does or tries to do she will eventually settle. She needs to know you are there for her. Not one single person has been there for her consistently it appears I can’t comment as to whether her mother or father have but by their first reaction of “disowning her” (as reported by various media sources) and her behaviour continuing I find it hard to believe that they are maintaining consistent support. Yes she is 17 and yes you can’t parent the same way as you would if she was 7 but the communication lines have broken down somewhere over the years.

This teenager is on her way to a personality disorder diagnosis. When is enough, enough? When will someone step in and take over this train wreck of a situation. This girl needs help…yesterday…months ago…last year.

*I have skimmed the surface here and simplified. If I hadn’t you would be reading half a thesis*

If you do need help or assistance in any way please contact your local general practitioner or lifeline, beyond blue, kids helpline or headspace

Someone will always be there to help you

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About Bringing Spirit Into The Everyday

Modern Suburban Hippie (minus hallucinogens :) ) Vegetarian. Passionate. Love Laughs. Yoga. Chai Lattes. Crystals. Oracle cards. Goddesses. Angels. Spiritual. Perfume Loving. Intuitive Parenting. Breastfeeding Mama. Sport Loving. Opinionated. Scorpio. Psychologist. I have 3 little people who rock my world.

Discussion

8 thoughts on “Enough is enough

  1. I’m like you, I really didn’t want to go there. But you’ve said it all so now I don’t need to 🙂

    Even if her parents absolutely despise the way she’s been behaving, and even if they don’t like her very much right now, they still have a responsibility towards her.

    And she may hate them in return who knows. But disowning her like that is only going to guarantee that her relationship with her parents stays broken.

    Great post.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

    Posted by Maria Tedeschi | June 10, 2011, 10:12 am
  2. I thought exactly the same thing…I couldn’t care less about the repercussions for grown men (I shall lose the term “men” loosely) involved on any level with a teeenage girl, but her behaviour has been a red flashing light from the start….people are too afraid to step in where football celebrity culture is concerned, yet it is clear that she has needed treatment and support…how this hasn’t been given to her astounds me..how it hasn’t been raised apalls me..it reflects the cultural attitudes towards mental health, sexual abuse and and promiscuous behaviour resulting in the person in question being taken advantage of….not good enough…but the exposure being revelled in by the media.. well nothing surprises me there…integrity has never really been a pillar. Nice blog Cath, well said.x

    Posted by Emily | June 10, 2011, 10:13 am
  3. Thank you for saying what finally needed to be said:)

    Posted by Tracey Holland | June 10, 2011, 3:32 pm
  4. I agree as well. I think that Adolescent Personality Disorders are already present. She needs therapy, privacy and support. Her value system is distorted as well.

    Posted by David McKinnon | June 10, 2011, 10:45 pm

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