1 year and 62 published blog posts. Being a numbers girl I do wish that was a more round or balanced number, but hey least I got that many. My last attempt at blogging 3 years ago lasted approxiamtely 15 posts so I’m actually quite stoked I’ve lasted and more to the point been disciplined enough to blog mostly once a week.
This post has been brewing for a while. A “will I or wont I” post. If you read this blog regularly you will notice I don’t give a lot of information about my life. If you follow me on twitter you may get a little more insight but meh I still don’t think its a lot, unless ive slipped up somewhere which I doubt. Ms Scorpio keeps herself in check mostly. If you know me from facebook then you have grown up with me so you have a slight advantage and you had an insight into my life at a moment of weakness or shall I say lapse in my fairly high boundaries early last year.
It’s probably hard to fathom how I can be so grateful. You may have thought she has to be putting this shit on. I’m not. Life truly gives you what you need to grow into the person you need to become. I’m not going to get into an argument about whether people do or don’t deserve events and situations that happen to them – NOT AT ALL. I do not wish harm upon anybody. What I am saying and can only say from my perspective is that my life was turned upside down and I honestly didn’t know if I was going to make it through it all.
I could hardly write for the first 6 months of 2010. The words were in my head but I was too scared to let them out for fear of losing absolute control of my emotions and most importantly being able to concentrate and focus on caring for my baby girl.
Little Miss 1 was born last year 10/2/10 to be exact. Hows that for numbers 😉 Perfect in every way…but life took a massive turn onto a path we were absolutely blinded by and we are slowly creeping out of the cave and letting the sunshine brighten our pale skin and appear before our sensitive eyes.
“I wouldn’t normally ask but together as a collective conscious we can be stronger, united in one thought. Our precious baby girl is intensive care at RCH. I ask that together we can focus on healing our baby girl. Making her stronger and focused on wellness with resolution of all illness and dis-ease (as Louise Hay would say) in her little body.
Like · · May 1, 2010 at 11:38pm via mobile” ~ Facebook Status Update
Miss 1 was diagnosed as having seizures from day 3 of life. If its reflected on, it was actually probably day 1 or 2. We were in and out of the Royal Children’s Hospital (bless those beautiful people and the services they provide) for the first 6 months of her life.
Thoughts written on a scrap piece of paper as I couldnt find my diary. Not that I’d been writing in it.
18th May, 2010 11.30pm
I have never been this stressed in all my life. I feel sick just sitting here. Helpless beyond measure. An observer, wishing…praying…hoping when the eyes open it’s not going to be another seizure but that she turns, opens her eyes and smiles to see her mummy. 14 weeks old in half an hour and they have been the longest 14 weeks of my life! Sleep – no, Eat – yes too much, Exercise – none. I have never wished time away so much, just so we’ve lasted longer between seizures, it means the medicine is working or she is getting on top of these.
I have never enjoyed my daily shower so much, the fresh air, good healthy hearty food. The simple things make dealing with this just a little easier.
Stopped in my tracks. Just spoke with a father across the room. His 5 week old son has been given 6 months to live. Shattering. Absolutely Heart Smashing. My blessed baby needs medication tweaking praise God. It doesn’t matter how hard it is for your family there is still tears in your heart for another family who are worse off.
Today *Mr Pisces tried to tell me what was going on with that family. I said I didn’t want to know and stuck my head in the sand. If the universe wants you to know something she will make you have an experience whether you like it or not. My precious baby girl is ok. She will and is always ok and this is just a hurdle. My heart and soul is devastated for that family.
So little miss has just had another….This one lasted longer than normal as she was holding her breath. Mothers intuition regarding the medication** she will not be taking it AGAIN!
Every day I ask myself What do I have to learn from this?
I know I have my happy ending and others aren’t as lucky, I know in the whole scheme of things that my daughter was ill and things are worse for others I’m not disputing that. But I also know that it rocked my world and I can without a doubt connect most occurences, events, “coincidences”, “fate”, “serendipity” to those months last year. It’s all rolling out as though it was planned. Scary huh.
So I am grateful to my little girl. I am in awe of her. I have learnt so much from her not just from how she has been in the situation but also the situations she has placed me in for me to learn.
She showed the strength of the relationships and support in my life. She helped make beautiful online friendships that have now become true friends. She reconnected me to the written word within me and to putting it out there and reconnecting to the blog world. She helped me stay true to myself and listen to the voice within. There is so much more I could list but you get the point.
It wasn’t roses it was fucking crap to say the least and we still deal with little pieces of that time to this day.
I’m not looking for sympathy with this post. I thought long and hard whether I wanted to reveal anything and speak of my personal life but there is a greater issue here and the words I have written should show clear evidence of why I believe what I believe and why I write what I write.
Thank you all for your support. Coming to visit me and reading what I write on here and giving feedback. It affirms as I said before that I am on the right path. Namaste`
It was a big year.
*Adjusted to blog name =)
**I don’t feel the need to list the medication though people can email me if they too have concerns regarding certain medication and seizures and I am more than happy to discuss my observations and ultimately her adjusted treatment plan
My beautiful girl is happy and healthy and keeping us on our toes. She is gradually reducing on the medication and is off it totally just after christmas. Everything is going fantastic. Words honestly can not explain and describe it enough.
On a side note Maxabella loves does a weekly “This week I’m grateful for…” on Saturday’s. I love the concept.