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Adult psychology, Anxiety, Behaviour, Competition, Identity, Influence, Inspiration, Life, Mind-Body, Mindfulness, Pondering, Psychology, Relationships, Self

Fear and Competition

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I’ve had a couple of themes come up of late in and surrounding me. Interestingly when an idea or theme arrives in my mind to ponder it also reflected by those around me as usual and that’s when I know I need to give it more thought. Not that these recent themes are encompassing my life but I suppose it makes me think how can I make my life better. How can I live my best life as they say.
So in usual fashion I thought I put them out into the blogosphere to ponder further.

I don’t even know how this theme arrived but it did so last week.

What made an impact on me was that i finally had a realisation I had never had in the past. Competition is fear. Mostly fear of oneself failing. When we are placed into a situation where it evokes competition it rarely brings out the best in us. Yes we can “win” something but ultimately it also puts us in a position for the potential to “lose”.

In other incidents the situation shouldnt be about winning and losing but it becomes that way with conditioning and external influences. If we were to sit quietly in stillness and listened to our true feelings the idea of competition and fear would not be the immediate reactions.

Therefore acting outside of our true nature whether it be through impulse of the age old flight-fight response (I have spoken about anxiety and this concept further in other posts), through as I previously mentioned conditioning by family, school, peers or sport or by fear invoked by ego; competition and its feelings arise.

Colette Baron Reid in her Hidden Realm oracle cards explains it perfectly:
“Life is not a competition. The concept of competition is flawed and encourages a perception of lack.  If you feel competition its a time to ask for the highest intentions to replace the old ones.”

I’m no saint. In the past I was very competitive. Mainly only with sport as Mums Word can attest through my blog comment about white line fever. Although if someone was encroaching on my ground for anything that I was particularly focused on (read fanatical) then they also had a run for their money.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve mellowed but I’ve also made a clear choice about not participating in most competitive arenas until I can control my impulses. Honestly, true story my mum would not let me play in the same netball and basketball team as her because I was so competitive. She found me another team and they had to put up with me. Yes looking back I’m ashamed. I didn’t know at the time though.

Now, particularly in recent months and even the last few weeks I have had some revelations and thankfully have caught my reactions and thoughts and really had a ponder about how I chose to move forward. I don’t know whether its age/maturity or whether I am getting much better at immediate self-reflection and action. all I know is that I’m learning a whole lot quicker than I used to. Show me and experience a difficulty or a reaction that sets me into the non flowing, easy-going self and I’m straight onto wondering what on earth has happened to me and why I am thinking such thoughts. A blessing really.

What brings me back quickly is always thinking about my intention. The competitiveness or fear is abruptly halted when I look at what my intention is and whether this intention is about me or about someone else, and finally whether it is held with good intention with no harm to others or myself. Emotional, physical, spiritual. Holistically.

Although I think what is healthy is competition with yourself to improve. Though it still goes back to intention. Who are you doing it for and why?

How do you go with competition? Is it fear based? Is there any competition that is healthy?

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About Bringing Spirit Into The Everyday

Modern Suburban Hippie (minus hallucinogens :) ) Vegetarian. Passionate. Love Laughs. Yoga. Chai Lattes. Crystals. Oracle cards. Goddesses. Angels. Spiritual. Perfume Loving. Intuitive Parenting. Breastfeeding Mama. Sport Loving. Opinionated. Scorpio. Psychologist. I have 3 little people who rock my world.

Discussion

9 thoughts on “Fear and Competition

  1. So shouldn’t we be competitive? Isn’t it competitiveness that drives success even if that can lead to sadness for not doing as well as one had hoped?

    Posted by faisalmahboob | December 20, 2011, 11:47 pm
    • That’s what I’m asking. I think as I said in the last paragraph that it’s great to have competition with yourself but it’s also about the intention. If its to better yourself great. If its to beat someone else then is it pure positive intention? Just pondering 🙂

      Posted by Precocious Lotus | December 21, 2011, 12:31 am
  2. really great post! thanks!

    Posted by intomind | December 21, 2011, 12:29 am
  3. True I think… It’s not all about competition. I used to be that competitive once and that was cool. But the time had passed and you get to know yourself better. Every day). And what is cool now is that you can savour your losses: laugh at them, analyse and get back to them but more profound, stronger than before.

    Posted by Snezhana Azarushkina | December 21, 2011, 5:18 am
  4. If I’m watching a game, especially those important ones, I love the adrenalise rush and I suppose you can’t help but get emotional at the same time. And yes I have mentioned that you remind me of my sister because she sometimes acts like someone just stabbed her in the heart.

    Interestingly she never played sport; I did, so maybe she had no other outlet.

    And I am competitive but I hate dirty play. I would rather lose knowing I didn’t use dirty tactics than win with them.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

    Posted by Maria Tedeschi (Mum's Word) | December 21, 2011, 8:20 am
  5. In my work I don’t feel competitive at all. I assist families and their children, my happiness comes from making them happy. When I played sports I was competitive especially in Karate, beacuse if you weren’t competitive and didn’t had the adrenelin rush whislt competing, your opponent would win. I was competitive more so within myself trying to improve my technique and grade in belts.
    Now I have changed the word competitive to passion, instiling in my children to follow their passion and enjoying the taking part, having fun and just doing their best – whatever their best may be.
    There will always be competition in all walks of life and we need to accept that not everyone can win, to me enjoying your passion doesn’t need a winning result.
    Like Mrs M dirty play is a big no and this has been my learning curve with work this year amazingly not on a playing field with children but with adults. Finally I can feel confident in knowing as long as I know I’m doing the right thing, no matter what others may do to bring me down, I’ve realised that competitiveness streak is thier issue and not mine.
    Thanks Cath I’ve learnt a lot from you this year, you have a BIG heart xx

    Posted by Nathalie Brown (@easypeasykids) | December 21, 2011, 9:11 am
  6. I wrote about this from the perspective of a parent and how to deal with competitiveness between siblings. Post is over at Kleenex Mums on the So You Think You Can Blog? links. Great post you’ve written here with lots to ponder.

    Posted by Cathy | December 21, 2011, 10:23 am
  7. Thanks for writing this, it is so important especially now we are Mums to learn true confidence and pass that on, rather than the fear of under-achieving. I think sport is amazing tho for helping you discover your potential and pushing your limits but winning at all costs is where it goes wrong and where an acceptance f self has to kick in. This is just what I needed to read today. Nicole xxx

    Posted by Nicole aka _wideeyedgirl | December 21, 2011, 1:00 pm

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