I’m waiting…..I can feel big things coming. Beautiful, amazing, life changing “things” coming. But you know what? I don’t know what to do with myself.
I realised tonight after signing myself up for another challenge, which is on top of my meditation challenge, my photo challenge and my 30 day shred; that I can’t just sit and wait. I have to pass the time away, busy myself, feel like I’m doing something. Most of all distract myself.
It’s been a revelation. Never before in my life have I noticed that I “fill” my time in whilst I’m waiting for something- an event, completions or finishing. But I’ve noticed the pattern tonight. Always.
It’s as though my brain says “no! Don’t be quiet, then I have a chance to think”
Think about what? Think about the space I have, think about just “being”, plan for what is to come~ as flying by the seat of my pants is the usual plan. Think about my actual feelings, even ‘feel’ my feelings rather than stuffing them down and not providing them enough space to surface as they are set down the priority list because “I have things to do”.
Does this make me impatient? Or really does it just make me unable to face up to a period and interval where the universe has given me the ultimate gift in time.
I do believe in divine timing. Try to rush it and it just may not work out. I’m sure there’s much more experienced and enlightened beings watching over me and directing the universe to ensure an exceptional outcome.
This gift of time. What does it provide? Time for reflection, honesty, self analysis and to soak in the feelings I have and appreciate every nuance.
I’m presuming this is not just about the superficiality of impatience. Feelings are god damn hard to experience. They are raw, at times ugly, the truth and reveal layers of oneself that are usually hidden. So why wouldnt I want to be busy?
Think it’s time to wait and use each day to make me a better person for those events, people and occasions that I am so impatient to experience. Don’t you?
Added note: As I’ve just formulated this post I’ve realised the song I was singing along to as I turned off the car today. I thought it was just a trip down memory lane. Ah no. The universe was hitting me over the head and I’ve only just realised it now! 🙂