Life is so grey.
I used to consider myself a fairly black and white person, no not collingwood 🙂 Yes I put a footy joke in!
I thought life was pretty much “right” or “wrong”. Well I tried to fit it that way. Most of the time it did, phew I didn’t have to challenge my belief system.
Well I’m struggling. My core beliefs are being blown apart. My understanding of life is being shifted. My ideals and life views are being challenged.
The boundaries aren’t so clear anymore, the life views aren’t about what’s “right” or “wrong”, they’re blurred. Facts aren’t always the whole truth of the matter nor the whole essence. Even the most simple of ideas, notions or thoughts can have a complicated and at times misunderstood backdrop. What is seen with our eyes isn’t necessarily the actual picture or more the point the whole picture. As I’ve spoken about on countless occassions with clients, most issues that are presented are the tip of the iceberg. As we know through the history of the Titanic, there is so much more material and iceberg that is not seen from the surface. Eighty percent in most cases. Likewise, our understanding or more so our “perception” of any situation or issue is highly comparable to that visible twenty percent.
Feelings like love, true unconditional love, compassion, sensitivity and understanding have illuminated this grey to me.
As I have challenged myself to become more heart centered, subsequently I have been expressing my heart centred feelings more than I ever have in my life and experienced the ever expanding energy this produces. With this I’m actually becoming less clear about my beliefs sometimes even confused. Yet I am more at peace and calm. Able to sit with the unease of really not knowing a “correct” answer. Accepting each situation on its presentation and merits. Rather than some preconceived ideas or outdated and untested belief systems that have been ingrained into my thoughts and feelings, my brain and cellular memory.
This post isn’t about attacking the way in which I’ve been taught by the adults in my life, and by all means this reflection has nothing to do with my upbringing. Far from it.
This is about the gratitude I have for people and situations I am being blessed with, exposed to, that are helping me to learn, or rather un-learn some unhelpful ways of thinking.
This grey that has rolled into my life has made me realise who am I to judge the standards of what is right and wrong? Who and where did these standards come from- a lot that I have held and hold are beliefs for many in our community, our country and parts of our world. But I have the unwavering desire to stop, reevaluate and try to formulate a “new” way of thinking.
Of these experiences or situations that have been highlighted it’s made me realise that people are not their experiences. Intellectually I have always known this. My job is to understand and work with this but I’ve peeled back another layer. I “feel” it in people that it may be a component of who they are but it doesn’t define them, in some cases not even close. The other parts of their life are far removed from that experience.
Importantly and thankfully I have realised my life would be lacking if it wasnt for this newfound grey. I could be inadvertently excluding amazing people, beautiful souls and inspiring humans if I kept up this harsh black and white perception.
I still don’t know the answer to some of my recent thoughts. I’m still confused by them too. But I now know that the grey is so very important and maybe I don’t have to have an answer.
Always evolving. Forever learning.