I was having a conversation with someone the other day and they said to me during this “so you have no regrets” I responded immediately “no I don’t. I never have.” The person pressed and asked again and then said “I don’t think you are being honest with yourself if you don’t see that you have any regrets” I replied fairly quickly as I had been searching my memory rapidly albeit briefly to find evidence of regret. A scenario flashed by and I responded with a half-hearted attempt. I knew within my being I was appeasing the person by stating a response. I’m not the sort of person to answer to placate someone so this should highlight it’s probably someone close.
The conversation continued for a little while longer but by this stage it had lost me as I knew my heart wasn’t in it, it was no longer participation between two people. One was obviously “supposed” to have regrets in life.
I went away and I honestly still felt connected to my truth that I do not have regrets about anything in my life. It came up again, as regular readers know in a common place for my blog post ideas, during my shower time. I decided to think long and hard. There had to be something I regretted. I’ve always lived by the philosophy of no regrets. It’s honestly never been that hard an ideology to commit to. It’s just the way I think. And I’ve never given it much thought. There’s even been times when I’ve questioned myself and thought more than once when the subject has come up “do I regret breaking up with that person, do I regret moving to a place” and each time I always thought they were difficult situations but the positives that arose or the situation that may have continued if I had of made decision B instead of A always led me back to the same conclusion. No regrets. Not ever.
So I’m standing in the shower as I said and finally a situation comes up and I think ok I think I may regret something…..the day my grandma had a stroke I had a thought in my mind to go and pop in and see her on my way back from visiting a friend. But it was toward the end of the day and I knew I would see her the next day as that was a usual occurrence.
I didn’t get to see her at home the next day as that night I was phoned and told that she had a stroke earlier that evening and was in intensive care. So do I regret not going to see her. If its yes or no then yes I do. As I didn’t get to speak with her one last time. But if you add some grey into the equation I do not believe I could have changed the outcome. I believe in a higher being and I also believe that life happens and that some things we truly have no control over.
In some ways I feel that to regret is to hold some form of guilt. Maybe it’s in my subconscious but I know for me it wouldn’t be healthy to hold that thought pattern so released the idea long ago. As the poem that hung in my other grandmas house instilled in me ~ Why worry? I also know I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I had not made the choices I have made to this point. I’m not saying they are perfect. But they were what I decided at that time with the information, knowledge and life experience I had and I don’t think I’d be in a better place than I am right now.
I think this has then uncovered another layer to regret. Do people feel if they don’t regret that they didn’t love or care as much as another who does regret? If you don’t regret does it mean the situation wasn’t important? Many people I think connect to this aspect as a reason (excuse) for their regret. I don’t think they are mutually exclusive. There are an array of rationales why people connect to the idea of regret. I haven’t even skimmed the surface I’m sure and my response to the questions above ~ not at all.
So am I missing something? Am I being that naïve to think that I don’t have regret? What do you think about regret or my thoughts?